apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
