they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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