I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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