I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
