He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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