I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
