then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drunk is not a location!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
