I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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