whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
