i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
