is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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