I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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