As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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