so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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