What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
