I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
