You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dignity is for republicans.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
