you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
