I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
