you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
