Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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