My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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