I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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