There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
