you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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