You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
