drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
