I wish they made helmets for livers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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