I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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