He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this will be a night to untag.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
