I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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