Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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