I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
