its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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