I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
