Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
