If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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