My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
