shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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