its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.