anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.