If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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