my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
