2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
