My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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