If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize