I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
