My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
