Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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