Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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