It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
