Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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