There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
