ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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