How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
