Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
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I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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