well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
