We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
