I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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