we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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