i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
