Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
