nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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