I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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