i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
