You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
